Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Top 10 things NOT to say to Kelly Ripa (Countdown to Kelly Ripa, day 6)

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Rachel saves day 6!

I was watching my older son's basketball game at school this afternoon with my friend Rachel Kaganoff Stern, whose son also plays on the team. Rachel, who writes the amazing blogs Inside the Kaganoff Kitchen (food) and The Not Quite Daily Dispatch (travel), asked: So what's today's Kelly Ripa post?

I said: I got nada. I'm on empty. Blank page. I was supposed to go practice piping frosting with Clemence from Gourmandise Desserts, but she burned her hand and was too injured to get together this morning. A few friends have promised cake photos, but so far - nothing.

And then Rachel, who is one of the wittiest women I know, said: Have you done a Top 10 list yet? And proceeded to rattle off some great one-liners in the key of "Top 10 things not to say to Kelly Ripa when you first meet her."

And I said: Rachel, I love you.

So here's her list. If you think these are funny, go read Inside the Kaganoff Kitchen and The Not Quite Daily Dispatch. You won't be disappointed.

Top 10 things not to say to Kelly Ripa when you first meet her at the Electrolux cake decorating event next week

1. I love my new Miele dishwasher.

2. I’ve always wanted to meet Regis Filbert. Did they name the nuts after him?

3. How do you like being married to Frank Gifford? Do you get really good seats for the Super Bowl?

4. You and that Antonio Banderas make one cute couple.

5. I loved you on General Hospital.

6. I get very anxious around celebrities. I took two Valium, a Xanax, and an Ativan 15 minutes ago and I’m sure they’ll kick in any minute.

7. By the way, I forgot to mention that I’m allergic to gluten, eggs, dairy and wheat. As long as the cakes don’t have any of those ingredients I’m certain I won’t go into immediate anaphylactic shock.

8. It didn’t say not to, so I brought along my mother, my Aunt Vera, my 11 children, and our pet weasel, Fred. Oh heck, where’s Fred? I just had him a second ago.

9. When do I get my free appliances? I’ve got my cousin’s pick-up idling out back.

10. You can see my 10 best cake decorating successes at www.cakewrecks.com.

4 comments:

Erika said...

I just realized these should have been labeled in descending order, not ascending, to make it a true top 10 list. Oh well.

The Diva on a Diet said...

Hilarious! I'm particularly fond of numbers 4 and 5! LOL

Gisele said...

Erika,

You are absolutely welcome to come practice your piping with me, if you still have time. I'm around!

Gisele
www.smallpleasurescatering.com

Paula Rosenthal said...

These are hysterical! You should forward them to Kelly Ripa. Maybe she'll mention it to Regis on the "Today Show", I mean, "Live! with Regis and Kelly!" (Maybe that should be number 11.)

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